===
 
CHAPTER FOUR

All the tears
All the rage
All the blues in the night
If my eyes could see
You kneeling in the silver light.

===

Mulder had been right.  It had started that morning.  They had asked some
contacts in the DCPD what they should do and had been told they couldn't do
anything.  They had no proof that she'd trashed his car; there was no
evidence.  She hadn't admitted to anything, so they couldn't have her
arrested.  There was nothing illegal about leaving too many love messages on
someone's answering machine.  They had spent that morning boning up on their
stalking psychology before deciding on what approach to take.  That had made
Scully feel better.  She always felt better the more she knew about
something.  Mulder, on the other hand, felt worse.  Not that he wasn't glad
to know what to expect; it was just that the information basically told them
they wouldn't know what to expect.  Every source they found had been very
explicit that he should under no circumstances make contact with Jane,  that
if he never communicated with her in any fashion she might just give up and
go away.

She didn't.

She wouldn't stop leaving messages even though he never picked up his phone
any more.  He got another line and left his old one hooked up as well.  The
material said that was a good idea because then she could leave all her
little love poems on that machine and he could still get phone calls he
needed.  He didn't tell anyone the number except Scully.  Between that new
number and his cell, they were always in reach of each other. He had the
locks changed and made sure the manager knew not to let anyone into the
building  besides his partner.  He finally bought that shredder. It had
taken Mulder a few days before he could convince Scully to let him go back
to his apartment.   After he had a little fit about not letting Jane take
over his life, Scully gave in, and he came back home.  She made him call her
every night before bed and every morning when he woke up.  Which was okay,
since he did that half the time anyway.   Jane was leaving him letters all
the time now.  She mailed them, left them for him at the front door of his
building and under the windshield wipers of his car.  His new car, thanks to
her.  She had never admitted to vandalizing his car, but he was pretty sure
it had been her.  They assumed it was her anger over their birthday dinner
that night.

It was starting to get to him, this constant looking over his shoulder.
Waiting to run into her.  Wondering what he should do if he saw her.  Should
he run the other way?  Should he pretend he didn't see her and walk right by
her?  He knew what he *wanted* to do to her: He wanted to scream at her.
Scream at her to leave him alone, scream that he didn't love her.  That he
wanted his life back.  Ha!  That was a laugh; who would have thought he
would long for his old life?  He did, though.  He longed to be alone again,
just him and his partner against the world.  Even the world Scully and he
inhabited made more sense than this one inhabited by Jane.  It was strange
but true; at least with those men in the shadows he could make some sense
out of what their goals were.  In a way their mission was impersonal, just a
means to an end.  Nothing about Jane made sense.  Every notion he had about
love was the opposite of what this woman wanted from him.  Years with Scully
had taught him what love was, how it protected a person and gave them
strength.  It was something to be relied on and trusted, not feared.  Jane
made no sense; he didn't know what she was going to do.

Mulder was sitting at his desk one morning about two weeks after the first
call when Scully came and perched on one corner.  "Mulder, I think it's
time."  Her voice was even, like she had been planning this conversation
during her morning shower.

"Time for what?" He was tired, not up to guessing what was on her mind.

"I think it's time we had her served with a restraining order.  It's been
two weeks now.  I don't think she's going to go away."

"No, I don't think she is, either.  I've been thinking about it as well.
You know what they say, though: This could be okay, or it could make it
worse.  We don't know what it will do to her." He looked up at his partner,
already deciding to leave it up to her.

"I don't think she's left us a choice. I'll call Teresa at the DA's and have
one drawn up and signed today. She'll send one of her guys over to Jane's
job and serve her. Then I guess we'll just wait." Scully sounded tired too.

He knew the dark circles under her eyes matched his own . Suddenly the
thought of more waiting made him furious. "Why should I have to wait any
longer?" He jumped up from his chair, causing it to tip over backwards with
a crash.  Scully jumped in surprise.  "I'm tired of this bullshit!  I can't
even take a walk, I haven't gone running in weeks, I'm going crazy cooped up
in this fucking office!  All I do is hide out here.  Why is it that she gets
to walk around and do whatever she wants, but I have to hide out here in the
basement!?"  He was pacing back and forth in front of his desk now, hands
jammed in his slacks, his tie loose under his collar.

"I'm sorry, Mulder."

"You're sorry?!  Great. Just great. Well, that doesn't seem to be helping me
out very much. Thanks to you, if I get tired of hanging out here I can
always head up to VC and listen to the guys taunt me about my sweetheart.
That's always good for a laugh."

He knew that was a cheap shot - knew it the second it flew from his mouth,
but he didn't care. He was angry, and she was the only convenient target for
his anger. He had nowhere to go, nothing to do, but yell at the one person
whom he would least like to be angry. So he did.

After the shock of his sudden movement she relaxed back against the
desk.This time around to the front, watching him pace back and forth.
Scully knew he was frustrated and needed to take it out on someone, so she
let him yell.  She had watched him carefully these last couple of weeks.  He
was getting tired.  He started out treating it like a joke, kidding her
about his luck with women, how he had his own private fan club and wasn't
she jealous?  His kidding stopped as the attention increased.  Then the dark
circles appeared.  He was getting jumpy; when they were outside he was
always tense.  At first he would look around for Jane.  Now he mostly walked
head down, trying to make himself small and inconspicuous.  She knew the
inaction would be what would get to him in the end.  Mulder wasn't the type
of person who stood idly by and let things happen to him.  He was a doer,
not a doee.  As far as Scully was concerned, it was time for some action.

"Are you done?"  Her voice was even, not a hint of anger behind it.

He stood in front of her, towering over her as usual, but feeling small.  He
sat down on the edge of the chair in front of his desk.  Standing up, she
walked over to him and gathered him in her arms, letting him rest his head
on her middle, his arms laying limply in his lap.  All the fight left him as
suddenly as it had appeared.  She smoothed his hair with one hand while
keeping the other at the base of his neck, pressing him into her.

"Yeah, I'm done," he said, his voice barely audible.

"Mulder, we're going to end this.  You'll see.  I won't let her take away
our lives.  Pathetic as it sounds, they're all we've got."  He could hear
the smile in her voice.  Grateful to know she considered his life as much
her own and he considered hers his.

"I'm sorry I said those things.  They were stupid and not true.  I know
you're tired and want this over as much as I do."  He didn't want to move;
it was nice here.  Her hands were relaxing him.  He hadn't been relaxed in
weeks.  Since his birthday.

"I'll handle it, Mulder.  We'll start the paperwork to get her served and
then go from there.  No matter what, this will end."  She was pushing him
back in his chair now, pulling away from him.  She removed one hand from his
shoulder and ruffled his hair, then walked to the other side ot the desk.

===
 
Jane is feeling depressed.  It's been two weeks and not a word from Fox.
Nothing. He stopped coming into the coffee shop after she called him the
first time.  She only stays there because the hours are flexible and she
needs the money.  Jane is still faithful to Fox, however.  She writes and
calls him every day, leaving poems and thoughts about what their future can
be if he will just see her.  She knows that if he will stop being afraid and
speak to her, he'll feel better.  She just wants him to notice her; that's
not too much to ask for.
If he will listen to her, the rest can take care of itself, she's sure.
She's still following him when she's not working.  Not that he's going
anywhere any more.  If he's not at his job, he's at his apartment, or hers.
The partner is refusing to go away.  As a matter of fact, it seems that she
never leaves his side now.  It's infuriating.  He never goes out anymore.
He hasn't been jogging in weeks.  Now he takes a gym bag to the office and
works out in the building.  She misses him.

She tells him in letters that she's always there; even if he can't see her,
she's nearby.  Which she usually is.  She doesn't want to frighten him by
approaching him as much as she could. It's up to him to realize what she
means to him.  She won't force him.

Today, it's cold, but the sun is bright and she's sitting on a park bench
outside his building.  It's about noon, and she's just arrived from work.
She doesn't expect him, but it's so nice out today that she can't resist
lounging on the bench watching the pigeons.  Suddenly she see's him.  He
must have the same thought because he's walked out of the building and is
slowly making his way towards her bench.  She doesn't think he's spotted her
yet, she sits very still.  He's about ten feet away when she can't contain
herself any more.  "Fox?"  Her voice stops him in his tracks.  Looking up,
he meets her eyes.  He wants to speak to her; he's struggling with what he
should say.  She can see the concentration on his face, the words forming
behind his beautiful eyes.  He looks just like a little boy, she thinks
absent- mindedly.  She slowly stands up; she doesn't want to frighten him.
He seems to make up his mind in a split second.  He whirls around on his
heels and walks back towards his building, quickly disappearing through the
revolving doors.  She stares at the air he disturbed, then stands on the
spot where he had just been.  A small smile is on her face....she can smell
his aftershave in the cold air.  She turns around herself then and makes her
way back to her car.  She can continue waiting for him there.

They come out of the building together after about an hour.  Jane follows
several cars behind as they slowly weave in and out of traffic.  Fox is
driving his new car.  He eventually pulls up in front of the bank.  Parking
a half block behind him, she takes out her camera and focuses the zoom lens
on him.  He goes inside the bank carrying some papers in his gloved hands.
As soon as he's in the bank, the passenger side door opens and the redhead
gets out, closes the door, and crosses over to the sidewalk.  She starts
walking briskly down the street towards Jane.  Putting down her camera, Jane
grabs the newspaper on the passenger seat to put in front of her face so she
can't be seen.

Taptaptaptap

Jane starts at the sound of the taps on her window.  Lowering her paper,
she's amazed to see the partner bent down, looking directly at her through
the closed window.  She's frozen in shock for a moment.  Then just as
suddenly, she feels very calm.  She won't let this pushy woman frighten her.
Instead of rolling down her window, she quickly makes a decision to open the
door and stand face to face with Fox's partner.  She opens her door, and the
redhead takes a step back.  She'll give her some credit: She doesn't even
flinch at Jane opening her door.  Finally -- communication.  They know she
is here - that she must be dealt with.  Standing in front of his partner,
bracing herself for the confrontation, she's gratified to realize that
they're the same height.  At least she's not shorter than her; usually she's
shorter than everyone.

"My name is Special Agent Dana Scully with the FBI.  I'm Mul..Fox Mulder's
partner." Her voice was low but hard. "Agent Mulder does not wish to know
you.  Not now, not ever.  If you persist in this stalking and harassment, we
will be forced to bring you to the attention of the local authorities."

"If you could, you would have done it by now."  Jane tries to keep her voice
as steady as the woman's before her.  "You think that because Fox lets you
lead him around, that because you never let him be by himself, that you own
him.  That you control whom he sees or wants to be with.  But you don't.  No
one can choose for him like that.  Because, you see....Special Agent Dana
Scully with the FBI, Fox and I are fated for each other.  We have a chance
at a love you can never know.  You're pathetic in your smothering of him, in
your silly attempts at keeping us apart.  It won't work.  He will know me.
He will love me, if he doesn't already.  And you can't stop us."  Jane can
feel the blood ringing in her ears.

"Let me tell you something, Jane." Jane visibly flinches at the use of her
name by this woman.  "I am telling you this for your own good.  Fox Mulder
does NOT love you.  He does not WANT to love you.  And if you ever attempt
to lay a hand on him, disturb even one hair on his head, you'll have more
problems before you than you thought possible.  I will invade your life like
a plague.  My number one goal will be your removal, in whatever manner
possible.  Do you understand what I'm saying to you, Jane?"  The redhead's
eyes are so blue and clear and hard that they remind Jane of marbles.  A
hard hearted, blue eyed, red headed bitch is what this woman is.  Jane
realizes suddenly that she has underestimated the power for evil of which
the partner is capable.

"I understand."  And she does, perfectly.

The partner turns around, her coat billowing behind her in the wind, and
walks back to the car.
Jane realizes that Fox has come out of the bank and has seen them speaking
to each other.
He is already half way down the street by the time the redhead was turning
away from her and walking back to the car.  He looks frightened.  She feels
rooted to this part of the sidewalk, incapable of movement.  She watches as
Fox puts his hand on the small of his partner's back, leaning into her as he
listens to what she's saying to him.  Lying, no doubt, telling him lies,
awful things about Jane which he will have no choice but to believe because
he refuses to speak with her and hear the truth.  All she asks is for him to
know the truth.

===
 
"Scully, what the hell are you doing?!"

"Shhh, Mulder. Not here. Get in the car."

Mulder's first thought on seeing Scully talking with some woman on the
sidewalk was idle curiosity.  When he realized whom she was speaking to, the
thought turned to fear.  It engulfed him for a split second like a
firecracker.  He was half walking, half jogging down the street towards her
before he even realized it.  But she was turning around at that point, her
tiny face set like marble.  He kept his hand at her waist during the entire
walk back to the car; it kept his hand steady.  Deciding to steal a quick
look over his shoulder back at Jane, he can see her still standing there,
staring after them, her face as hard as Scully's had been a few moments
earlier.

Finally, within the safety of his car, he places both hands on his steering
wheel, at ten and two, just like in Driver's Ed.  He takes a deep breath.
"Ok, Scully.  One more time.  What did you think you were doing?"

"I spotted her behind us when we were pulling out of the office parking lot.
When you went into the bank, I decided to speak with her.  That's all.  Just
a little one on one talk, just her and me.  We know you shouldn't have any
type of communication with her, so I thought I would try giving it a shot."

"And?"

"And that's it.  All I said was that you asked that she stop stalking and
harassing you.  That if she didn't stop, we would be forced to contact the
authorities."  Scully was looking into her side mirror, watching as Jane's
car drove away.

"And what did she say?"  Mulder was staring hard at her now.  She kept her
eyes out the side window.

"She called my bluff.  Said if there was anything the cops could do, they
would have done it already."  Scully turned to Mulder now, moving in her
seat to face him, leaning her head back  into the glass.  "Then she went on
quite a tirade about how I can't prevent you from loving her, that you and
she are meant to be together. You're fated, I believe is how she phrased it.
It's all typical love obsessional
behavior, Mulder. It's practically textbook. She thinks that if you will
only notice her, you will fall in love with her.  She's unable or unwilling
to attribute this lack of attention from you to any lack of interest, so
she's attributing it to me."  She finished the last part of this sentence in
a quiet voice.

"What did you say after that?  After she told you that she and I are
destined for each other?" It was Mulder's turn to speak in a whisper.  He
was still staring at her.

Scully stayed in her position, careful to keep her voice steady and not to
take her eyes from his.  "I suggested she think twice before making any rash
or foolish decisions regarding you."

Mulder leaned forward and rested his forehead on the steering wheel.  He
kept his head turned sideways so he could watch her.  "You shouldn't have
said that, Scully.  That wasn't a very good idea.  She's already focusing on
you; that will only increase her agitation."

"I know.  But you aren't the only person around here getting sick of this."
She was straightening up in her chair now, putting her seat belt on.  Her
head was tipped down towards the buckle as she clicked the belt into its
slot by the emergency brake.  Her laughing eyes peeked up through the red
strands of hair hanging down in front of her face.  "Besides, if anyone's
going to make your life a living hell, it's going to be me.  Not some
whacked out coffee girl with too much time on her hands."

Mulder's head was still leaning against the steering wheel as he watched her
wriggle in her seat trying to get comfortable.  "You're adorable when you're
jealous."

"Just drive the car, Mulder."  There was a small smile on her lips.
 
===

Jane' s at work.  It's the day after her run in with the redhead.  She was
up most of the night thinking about Special Agent Dana Scully of the FBI.
Jane is now more certain than ever that something needs to be done about
her.  The redhead is poisoning Fox against her, preventing him from seeing
what is best for him.

She's been at work for about two hours when it happens.

"May I help you?" Jane asks two men in suits who have just walked up to her
counter.

"Are you Jane Mathiasen?"   The taller one asks in a quiet voice.

"Yes...yes, I am. Why? Who wants to know? Do I know you?" She's starting to
feel butterfly wings in her stomach. Something's not right.  She feels her
palms starting to sweat.

"Jane Mathiasen, you are hereby issued a temporary restraining order by the
Superior Court of the District of Columbia to cease and desist in any
attempts to contact a..."  He looked down at a piece of paper in his hand.
"...Fox William Mulder of 2630 Hegal Place, apartment #42, Alexandria,
Virginia, 23242.  Do not contact, attack, strike, threaten, batter,
telephone, or otherwise disturb the peace of Fox William Mulder.  Stay at
least 100 yards away from Mr. Mulder at all times.  Stay at least 100 yards
away from the residence of Mr. Mulder at all times.  Stay at least 100 yards
away from the place of employment of Mr. Mulder at all times.  Do you
understand what I'm saying to you, ma'am?"  He makes no attempt to lower his
voice as he stares into her eyes.

She's in shock.  She looks around the coffee shop.  Everyone's staring at
her in disbelief.    People are stepping out of their places in line behind
the men in suits to look at her,  eyebrows raised, like she's a car accident
on the way to work in the morning.  She can't breathe.  She's going to throw
up.   She can feel her eyes starting to tear up; she puts her palm to her
mouth to keep from groaning.

"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm telling you?" He has both hands face down
on her counter now, leaning over and looking at her like a bug.

"Yes." She grinds the word out between clenched teeth and splayed fingers.

"Good.  Here's the order; feel free to peruse it at your leisure.  Your
hearing appearance is noted on the inside.  Good day."  With that the two of
them turn and walk out.  The second man must have been insurance in case she
freaked out.  They should have stayed longer; she may still freak out.  Her
hand is still pressed tightly to her mouth when she realizes that the
owner's standing next to her behind the counter.  He's looking at her like
the people in line, like he's never seen her before, like she's a freak of
nature.

"Jane, why don't you take a break.  I'll see you in the back, okay?" He
keeps his voice low.

Slowly Jane turns and walks through the double doors behind the counter,
straight through the break room and out the door into the parking lot behind
the coffee shack.  Now that she's sure no one's watching her, she drops to
her knees and starts to wretch.  Tears are streaming down her face, and she
can't stop gasping for air.  What did he do?  How could he have done that to
her?  She is so humiliated that she can't stop crying.  I can't believe he
did this to us.  Sobbing now, she shivers in the October morning air for
several minutes before she tries to stand up.  It takes all her strength;
she has to stay on all fours for a moment before she moves to a crouching
position and slowly rises to stand upright.  She's still bent over, gasping
for air, her hands on her legs just above her knees, when her boss speaks.

"Jane, I want you to get your stuff together and leave.  I'll send your
check to you at home.  You're fired."  Her boss is standing by the back
door.  He looks an odd mixture of sheepishness and fear.  If she weren't so
humiliated at this moment, she might laugh.

Jane doesn't say anything; she doesn't know what to say, anyway.  How could
she explain to him what was happening to her?  How could she tell him that
the redhead is a powerful FBI agent and that she, little old Jane, is
getting royally fucked?  Why would he believe her?  No one ever believed
her; she is nothing.  Less than nothing.  She stands up straight, wipes the
back of her hand against her mouth, then wipes her hand off with her apron.
She needs to brush her teeth or at least get a drink of water before he
throws her out.

She rinses her mouth in the bathroom and grabs her coat and scarf.  Putting
her backpack over her shoulder, she walks out the back door without saying a
word.  Neither Jane nor her boss say goodbye.
 
===

Scully put down the phone and looked at her partner.  He looked back, his
face strained.

"It's done, Mulder. That was Teresa; she said they did the whole treatment.
Read her the entire thing in front of everyone." Scully leaned back in her
chair, folding her small hands in her lap, resting them on her stomach.

Mulder wasn't looking at her any more; he was playing with a pencil,
twirling it in his hands.  "What did she do?"  His voice was quiet.

"She didn't do anything.  He said she just looked shocked, like she didn't
expect it."  She didn't want to say anything to him about how Jane had
started to cry.  That would just make Mulder feel worse.  He was already
feeling guilty.  Mulder felt guilty for everything.  Everything that goes
wrong in the world was seemingly Mulder's fault.  He always thought that
there was something he had failed to do, someone he couldn't take care of or
keep safe.  She knew this about her partner, so she spared him this small
fact.  She won't tell him Jane cried.   "Mulder, this isn't your fault.  You
didn't ask for her to do this to you.  She's mentally ill.  You can't be
responsible for that, can you?" Scully's voice has lowered now as well,
matching her partner's.

"No. I know that."

"Do you?"

He looked up at her now. His eyes were still sad, but he managed a sheepish
smile. "Am I that transparent?"

"Only to me. I have special G-woman powers."

"I suspected as much."

===
 
She's standing in front of a plate glass window reading "Terry's Pawn Shop".
How did she get here?  She doesn't remember.  She must have walked.  She
remembers the two men, that horrible scene at her job.  Her old job, she
should say.  She even remembers walking out the back door -- after that it's
a blank.  She's in a run down section of the city a few blocks from her
apartment, she knows that.  What time is it?  Looking at her watch, she's
amazed to realize she has been wandering aimlessly for almost three hours.
Turning around to gaze back into the plate glass window, she sees it.  It's
as if she is meant to be here at this moment in time.  Because there it is:
the answer to all of her problems.  A gun.  She stares at it like it's a
living, breathing creature.  It is.  She realizes now what all of this has
been leading to.  It's so obvious, really.  She believes in fate; it's what
led her to him, to Fox.  It can still save her; she just has to listen to
it, to not be afraid.

She's not afraid anymore.
 

-end ch 4-