Back to Normal

By Christine Wilson

Rating:  PG

Spoliers:  none

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters, so please 

Mr. Carter, leave me alone.



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This morning, I noticed that things were returning to normal. 


A peaceful sleep had actually come the night before and I was 

refreshed when I left for my first day back.  Even though it 

happened three weeks ago, people still offers words of 

condolence as I walk down the hall.  

Sometimes, I hear them, sometimes I ignore them.



I walked down the hallway to our new office, and stand outside


the door for a few seconds.  Today will be the first day I
have been 

in it since your death.  The last time I saw it was just 

twenty minutes before the bullet tore through your chest, 

leaving you to die in agony.



The knob is cold against my hand, almost like 

a warning not to enter.  To many memories 

begin to flood my mind but I continue forth into 

the room.  It too is cold and unreceptive.  



This was a stupid idea.  I should have taken another week,
maybe a 

month.  Deep down I know I am not strong enough to complete
the 

task assigned to me by AD Skinner.  He wants me to meet my new


partner, someone he says will be work well with me.  I want to


tell him how you were the best, how everything you did fit my 

mannerisms to a T.  So I accept the new partner, who is
sitting 

at your desk when I arrive.  That is when it really hits that
things 

are far from normal.  He is lucky I have not shot him
instantly.



" Agent Scully," he stands when I enter the room.  I shake his
hand 

without the enthusiasm he has.  Agent Michael Brooks is a
rookie, 

Skinner informed me of this earlier.  I do not want a rookie.

I want Mulder back.



" Agent Brooks.  How very nice to make your acquaintance." 
Cold.  

I feel so cold as I talk to this young man.  I wonder if this
is the 

feeling you got when you first met me Mulder.  Did you hate 

me the instant you laid eyes on me?  Or did you feel as 

though you could trust me on the spot.  



" I am very interested in your and the late Agent Mulders
work," he 

says running his hands down his khaki pants.  I want to scream


at him for looking so laid back.  You always looked sharp.  

Even in those incredibly outrageous ties you had 

this professionalism that no one else has been 

able to match.



" That is very nice to hear.  I was under the impression no
one 

really respected what we did."



I raise my hand to me temple.  God Mulder, I do not want to 

be here.  How I wish it was three weeks ago?  If I had 

been in that garage just five seconds earlier, 

maybe I could have done something.  It only took 

five seconds for me to reach the garage Mulder

after I heard the shot.  Maybe if I had ran the entire way, 

you would be standing here with me.  



" Agent Scully, I would like to say how sorry I am about Agent


Mulder.  I can assume that you were very close to him.  Hell, 

after nearly ten years, I would be beyond devestated.." 

 I smile, half heatedly.



Mulder, never will this boy understand how much I cared about 

you.  He would never be able to understand the distances we
traveled 

for one another.  Agent Brooks will never hold his one true
loves 

head in his hands and watch them take their last breath, one 

that is so filled with agony that he could only wish their
misery 

would end sooner.  



It was not because you told me how much you loved me that 

I knew you were about to die.  



Those last few seconds Mulder, I wished you dead.  I did not 

want you to suffer, because I knew from all that damn medical 

background that you would never make it through 

this one.  Two sucking chest wounds.  It was a miracle you
hung 

on for those brief minutes. 



Those minutes where you held onto my hand so hard you broke 

my index finger.  I could not let you know that.  If you would
have 

realized how much you were hurting me, you would never

have touched me at all.  Funny thing is, that I felt no pain 

from my finger until they had carried you away in the
ambulance.  



" Agent Mulder and I did grow close during our five years," I 

confirm to Agent Brooks. I hate him for not being you.  

" So tell me a little about yourself."



As he rattles, I think back to our first meeting.  I cannot
believe 

you found a copy of my thesis Mulder.  I only had two of them. 


Poor Brooks.  I did not even care about his name 

until this morning.  Mulder.  Brooks.  Mulder. 

 Mulder.  What if this guy wants me to call 

him Brooks?  



" Excuse me," I interrupt him briefly in the middle of his
academy 

memories.  " But is it alright if I call you Michael."



He smiles.  I think he is feeling more comfortable. 
"Actually, I 

prefer Mike.  Would you like me to call you Scully or Dana?"



The pain that tore through my heart almost 

blinded me.  Never in a thousand years would I let 

this boy call me Scully.  That was your name for me.  

I could not bear to hear him call my attention.  

His voice is not yours..



" Dana is fine."



I am Dana now.  Mulder, Scully ceased to exist the minute 

your heart stopped beating.  I actually felt her float away
with the 

rest of your soul.  And I was glad.  Because 

without you Mulder, there never would have been a Scully.  

And if there never would have been a Scully, there never would


have been you.



Five seconds.  I can not get that out of my mind. 

 Five damn seconds.  Maybe it was less.  It seemed 

like an eternity to me.  All I did 

was get something out of the utility closet.  A stupid 

little file folder that we really did not need.  And 

why did you have to get the car.  If you would have 

waited for me, I would not be standing in this office 

with some overly happy rookie agent.  But no, 

Fox Mulder has to been a gentlemen.  Would not

let the very capable Dana Scully walk the twenty feet

to a parked car. 



" Dana, are you okay?"  Agent Brooks, MIKE, looks concerned.  

He seems to fit your part well in that category.  



My eyes are watering.  



Oh God, I am crying. Usually, I can handle 

things like this.



Who the hell am I kidding Mulder?  I need you here.  I need to


feel your hand on the small of my back, or you hot breath as 

you whisper something into my ear.  I want to hear you 

deadpan jokes or your extremely weird sexual innuendoes.  

Please, I need you hear to listen to my many complaints.  



" Dana, I know you do not really want a new 

partner," Mike says softly.  He places a hand on my shoulder. 


I want to shrug it away, but I can no longer move.  

" I have no intentions of becoming what Agent Mulder 

was to you.  But I want to know what he was like.  I do not 

want you to be afraid to miss him in front of me.  If he was 

worthy enough to cry over, then that makes him a hell of an
Agent."



Mulder, I hope you will understand when I tell this Brooks 

character everything there is to know about you.  

Because I need to trust this man.  And if he wants to know
that 

much about you, I have to let him into our little world.  The
world 

where Mulder and Scully existed.  And since they are both
dead, I 

do not see the harm in that.



My life will never be the same without you Mulder.  Especially


now that Scully has perished with you.  Nothing will be normal
again.



But it will go on.



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Please, send feedback to this starving artist. 

I welcome all emails.

I am pathetic.



Christine Wilson

ms_shipper@yahoo.com