Title: Drowning
Author: Ana Hawkman
Rating: PG
Category: MSR, A
Disclaimer: Oh, I wish I were
            a Mulder/Scully
            owner... That
            is what I'd truly
            love to be...
                But since I'm not
             a Mulder/Scully
             owner... Everything
             belongs to 1013!
Feedback: I love it so much:)
          anahawkman@hotmail.com
Archiving: I'd be so honored:) Just
            tell me where so I can visit:)
Notes: Meg McScully, Roo, and Rina
          are my cool chick philes:)
          "Two souls with but a
 single thought, two
hearts that beat as
one" ~John Keats ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I stare at the floor,
unable to meet his gaze.
It is intense; as if he
were trying to bring
forth something from
me that I am unwilling to
give. He's not trying to
hurt me in any way; just
trying to get me to open up.
But for some reason, I can't. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that once
I open myself to him
I will not only lose
myself, but I will
lose my partner. We
will become something
different, something
distant, instead of the
two, separate individuals
who fit together so perfectly
on their own. He brings a gentle
finger to my chin,
lifting it.  "Look at
me," he murmurs.
I do as he asks. "Look at me. What
do you see?" I meet
his beautiful, familiar
hazel eyes. The
determinate
playfullness I usually
see there is still
present, but shadowed
behind seriousness,
caring, intensity that
is, for once, channeled
at me rather than crazy
theories. I look at him,
a bit confused.
"What do you see?"
he repeats. I hessitate, feeling
awkward at the question.
He's obviously looking
for a deeper answer
than what I'm about to
give him, but I tell him
what I see at first glance.
I stall for time. "I see... Mulder," I say
quietly. I'm telling the
truth. "What else?" He demands,
his voice quiet, gentle.
Provoking. "My partner," I add. He nods,
silently urging me to continue.
"My... best friend." I end quietly. "What else?" "I see... passion. For life, for
our work." He smiles slightly.
I'm on to something. "For..." he prompts. "For me," I answer, my voice
quavering. Tears well up in
my eyes as I realize what
is going on. He leans close
to me, kisses my jaw tenderly.
I gasp, mustering all of my
willpower; I can't afford to lose
myself here. I can't afford to
lose what we have: our
partnership, our friendship.
He pulls back, puts a warm
hand to my cheek. "Scully," he starts quietly.
"I know you. I'm not going to
force you into anything you're
uncomfortable with, you know
that." I nod. "But I promise you
that you won't lose yourself.
Or your independence. And
you certainly won't lose me.
You'll never lose me." He leans
close, kisses my forehead
warmly. "You'll just gain
something better. Allow yourself
this, Scully. Let it happen.
Let yourself be happy." He
knows me so well. So well.
I bury my face in his neck,
and allow myself to drown. finis
anahawkman@hotmail.com