Title: Reaching Out
Author: Rachel Kottler
Email: debunker77@hotmail.com
Date: April 12, 2001
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Three Words
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Chris Carter.



"Mulder--"

"I'm sorry.  I don't mean to be cold or ungrateful.  It's just . . . I have 
no idea where I fit in right now.  I just, uh, I'm having a little trouble . 
.. . processing everything."

"Would you like me to leave you alone?"  Please say no.  Please say no.

Mulder nods his head.  He can't meet her eyes.

"Please call me if you need anything, Mulder."  And she's out the door.

She's in a fog.  She almost feels like laughing.  She's finally able to 
match his emotional honesty and he no longer knows how to feel.  She wants 
to cry, but that's nothing new.  She understands what Mulder is going 
through.  She just never thought their reunion would be like this.

*******************************

She returns to his apartment the next day.  She doesn't know how to read his 
face when he opens the door.  She wonders if he can still read hers.  I miss 
you Mulder I know you need your space I'm sorry to bother you Please talk to 
me I love you.  He looks a little uncomfortable, so she assumes he can still 
read her.  Then he notices that she's not alone and steps aside to let his 
visitors in.  Skinner can feel the awkwardness between them.  He wishes he 
were here with better news.

*******************************

She thinks about Mulder every second of the day.  She did this when he was 
gone, too, but it was different then.  Her worries and sorrows were less 
tangible when he was missing.  She prayed that he was safe, that he would 
come back whole.  Now she prays that he'll find a way to reach out to her.  
She needs to be lulled to sleep by his voice, to feel his touch.  He is 
alive, but he is not with her.  He is inside himself.

When he was gone, she imagined what it would be like to tell him about the 
pregnancy.  She could see his reaction so clearly.  He would smile and 
immediately place his hands on her stomach to feel the life they created.  
She often brought herself to tears imagining a celebration that would never 
happen.  The reality of the situation brings her to tears, too.  She's never 
seen Mulder so despondent and withdrawn.  It scares her more than she cares 
to admit.  She's waiting for a sign.  Some small sign from him that they 
will be all right.

********************************

When they surreptitiously enter the evidence room, she can't suppress the 
thrill she feels.  Just like old times.  And, just like old times, he 
doesn't listen to her logic, but plows ahead on his stubborn path.  The 
thrill is gone.  She wants to hit him when he acts like he doesn't care if 
he gets thrown in jail.  She wants to scream at him.  What about me?!  What 
about our baby?!  You can't leave us again!  But she can't bring herself to 
speak these harsh words to him.  He's been through enough.  So she walks 
away.

She tries to, anyway.  But the thrill pulls her back.  It really is like old 
times.  At least when they're at work.  She will help him, protect him.  She 
won't leave him to stand alone.

********************************

"Scully, what are you doing back?  Did something just happen?"

"I'm, um . . . I'm not exactly sure I should tell you, Mulder."

"Scully, if you know something that can get us moving forward again, you 
need to tell me."

"Mulder . . ."  She can't say the words.  She doesn't want to push him or 
scare him away.

"Scully, I need to understand what happened to me.  And for what purpose.  
What just happened, Scully?"

"Mulder, wherever this information leads you, it can't be good.  Two people 
have already been killed for this.  I can't . . . I can't lose you again.  I 
wouldn't survive it."  Her voice breaks on these words.

"Scully . . . I can't do this now.  I can't . . . I don't know what's going 
on.  Everything is just . . . too overwhelming.  I need to focus on one 
thing: my abduction.  I need answers.  Please, Scully."

They stare at one another, each trying to see into the other's mind, each 
willing the other to back down.  These attempts at control are as futile now 
as they have always been between them.  She knows she has to tell him.  She 
can't refuse him this.  She wishes Doggett hadn't given her the information. 
  She wishes . . .

"Fight the future," she whispers.

"What?"

"Fight the future.  That's the password."

Mulder starts to leave, just as she knew he would.

"Mulder, I'm going with you."

He starts to say something, but stops when he meets her eyes.  She can be 
just as stubborn as he can.  He knows he's hurting her by keeping her at a 
distance, but he has no choice.  He can't face everything at once.  And he 
knows that she understands this.  He knows she will be patient with him.  He 
knows that she will be there to help him when he's ready.  He motions with a 
tilt of his head for her to go ahead of him out the door.  He closes the 
door behind them and then turns to leave, reaching out to place his hand on 
the small of her back.



The End.
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