Title: Tears and Silence
Author: Ana Sedai
Rating: PG
Keywords: MSR (sorta)
Category: VRA
Summary: An inside view of Mulder's midnight 
vigil at Scully's bedside in Redux II.                         
One of my favorite angst scenes in the 
series.  
Disclaimer: One more time, folks!
Not mine, never will be.  Sure.                  
Fine.  Whatever.
Feedback: Feedback is to Ana what notes were 
to Beethoven.  

He entered her room silently, in the dark, 
and stood at the side of her bed.  He looked 
down at her sleeping face, made even paler 
than usual by the ghostly moonlight shining 
through the window.  She looked peaceful.  He 
wondered if she was dreaming.  Such a 
beautiful face.

He took her hand, mindful of the IV.  He felt 
her fingers, how thin they'd become.  He 
thought of how they had felt in his that 
first day, how even then he had felt a zing 
up and down his arm when she'd touched him.  
He thought of how they'd felt just while ago, 
when he'd held and kissed them.  Then he 
thought of how they'd feel when he held them 
for the last time.  Cold.  Stiff.  No!

His legs gave out and he knelt by her side.  
He couldn't breathe, and he opened his mouth 
to try and gulp in air.  But all that issued 
forth were silent sobs.  He wept for Scully, 
for the lost chances, lost family, lost life.  
He wept for himself, for not being good 
enough, not fast enough, not smart enough, to 
save her.  He wept for the both of them, and 
through it all, he held her hand like it was 
the only thing anchoring him to reality.  He 
knelt there for a long time.


She felt, rather than heard, him enter the 
room.  She sensed it was better to remain 
silent, and so she kept her eyes closed and 
pretended to sleep.  She felt him by her 
side, and then he took her hand in his.  She 
let herself feel his fingers, how strong they 
were.  He had such beautiful hands.  She 
loved watching them.

Then she heard a soft sound emerge from his 
throat.  It sounded like part gasp, part 
agony.  His fingers tightened slightly, and 
she felt his face close by her hand.  She 
felt his tears pour over their joined 
fingers.

She wanted to open her eyes and take him in 
her arms, but she knew that he wouldn't let 
her.  He needed to do this, and she needed to 
let him.  And so, she listened to Mulder's 
agony, wishing that she could take his pain 
with her when she left.  It was the only 
thing that she could hope to give him, and 
the one thing she could not do.

She listened for a long time.