TITLE: Tenancy Tendencies AUTHOR: jeri E-MAIL: ggal1116@yahoo.com RATING: PG-13 (language) CATEGORY: VRA KEYWORDS: MSR, ScullyAngst, Scully POV SPOILERS: straight on thru Requiem ARCHIVE: Gossamer ok, everyone else ask me! FINISHED: May 20, 2000 SUMMARY: Scully ponders her past and future through her living arrangements. **DISCLAIMER: I guess Chris owns 'em for one more year...I'm only 80 percent convinced that this 8th season is a good idea. It was only 60, but then David signed for half the eps, so that helped. Evan Walsh is a real human being who has absolutely no idea that he's in this piece of fanfic. ^*^*^ July 9, 2000 I got the call yesterday. I have one week to decide. One week to determine how my life will go on. *If* my life will go on. I really didn't think I'd have to think about this. I took it for granted that it would always be there. As long as it exists, there's hope. But now I may have my one bit of hope ripped from me. Evan Walsh, the source of my despair, has informed me that he's stopped receiving checks, and in a week, he's going to start accepting them from someone else. Oh yeah. Evan Walsh is Mulder's landlord. So, I stand in Mulder's apartment now, looking over the organized clutter that defined -- defines -- his life, trying desperately to figure out what fuck I'm supposed to do. Well, first I should breathe. This isn't Mr. Walsh's fault. It isn't Skinner's fault, and it isn't even our fault, for a change. We both expected him to come home, especially since I sent a babysitter for him. And even when I heard the news, this wasn't the first problem that popped into my head. No, I was a *bit* preoccupied. The Bureau can be a bureaucratic pain in the ass when it comes to benefits sometimes, but other times it makes more sense than anyone could possibly imagine. There's a program designed especially for single, mobile, apartment-renting agents like Mulder and me. It allows for monthly rent to be taken directly out of our paychecks, and automatically deposited to our landlords by the due date. This way, we don't have to worry about being caught out of town and away from our bank when the next payment is up. Well, we get our paychecks every two weeks, and so even though Mulder had been gone for eight days, he still had a paycheck two weeks ago. But now, since he's officially AWOL, and not working, he doesn't get paid. The Bureau notified Mr. Walsh of this development, and he immediately called me, since I'm listed as next of kin. Apparently, the lease runs out this month. However, if I can get the next payment and security deposit in to him within a week, he'll extend the lease for another year. And therein lies the problem. If I send the money, I'm locked in for a whole year, and I don't know if I can afford that. If everything goes the way has in the past, that won't matter. Mulder will be back soon, and he can pay his own damn rent. But I can't be sure that this is going to turn out like before. They may perform horrible tests on him, and he may, like his sister, seek death as his only escape. No. That's not going to happen. He knows I'd kill him if he died. But back to my present predicament. I could handle two rents for a month or two, I know that. After Antarctica, Mulder and I set up a joint account with an online bank. There's about two thousand dollars in it, and that should just about cover the deposit and two months' rent. But after that...there's no way I can do it. And I don't have access to his personal bank account, either. So, the way I see it, I have two choices: A) I tell Mr. Walsh not to expect the payment and find a storage facility that I can afford to hold as much of Mulder's stuff as possible, or B) give *my* landlord my two month's notice and just move in here. Plan B isn't as outrageous as it seems. I used to adore my place. It was the one place that was always separate from work, from Mulder. Even after Eugene Tooms and Duane Barry invaded this space, I managed to claim it back. I exorcised those demons, and my apartment was safe again. But lately, it's become less of a home, and more of a place to sleep and pick up mail. I hadn't really noticed, though, until Phillip Padgett. I mean, the crazy bastard moved next door to Mulder so he could stalk *me* better! I realized just how much time I'd been spending at Mulder's since the summer. Of course, I found nothing wrong with that, so I did nothing to change it. When his mother...passed away earlier this year, that was the first night we slept together. As in sleeping in the same bed, at the same time. Since the start of the New Year, I'd staked out his couch several times, and once in a while he'd insist on taking the couch himself. By February, it was almost getting routine: I'd come over right after work on Friday, we'd watch some dopey movie (with beer, if it was an "occasion"), and I'd stay through the weekend. Then I'd leave mid-Sunday, stop for a late afternoon Mass, and see him in the office on Monday. But once we finished the LaPierre case and closed the case on Samantha, I left his apartment even less. Even now, I still haven't gotten around to fixing my bedroom's closet door after Donnie Pfaster tore up that apartment. I did spend about a week straight at my apartment after that stupid, Goddamn episode with Spender. I know I made a complete ass of myself, I didn't need two days of Mulder's silence to tell me that. He wasn't mad at me, really; he knew he'd done equally stupid things in the past. But he was still hurt by it. We both realized we needed some space, so I reluctantly went back to Georgetown. Then we had that God-awful stakeout, which in retrospect was good; by the time he was called away to Vermont, we were pretty much back to our latest definition of normal. When he got back, I repacked my most essential possessions and headed back to my home in Alexandria. My legs are starting to cramp, and I realize I'm still standing in the living room. I take a glance at my watch, noting with a bit of surprise that it's almost eleven. I've been standing here for two hours almost. With a sigh, I move into the bedroom, rolling my neck around to get the kinks out. The bed looks terribly lonely tonight. Only my side is messed up, unlike the usual disorder we leave it in. It's so strange, sleeping alone again. I've found myself waking up constantly since he left, always with a chill along my back. I feel tears come to my eyes. It's not like we'd been making love for a really long time or anything. It would have been just over three months, but since he's been gone for almost a month now... But we'd agreed that first night, after I poured my heart out to him about Daniel, that taking that step would be tantamount to creating an Eleventh Commandment: Thou shall stay as one forever. It was above and beyond the commitment marriage vows held; any betrayal would come at the ultimate cost, and there could be no chance of forgiveness. His absence now is not a betrayal. Of that I am positive. I strip off my clothes and sink into bed. I stare up at the ceiling, and I remember that I still must make a decision. As much as this is home to me now, I can't help but see the equally sensible reasons behind giving this up. What if, God forbid, he doesn't come back? Or what if he comes back changed? If I were to give up my apartment, where would I go if he didn't want me...us...here with him? I know, if that were to happen, and I just put all this in storage, he'd have no problem finding a new home, far away from this one. Should that happen, I would be devastated, but his rejection would be a betrayal, and I know I'd have to let him go. And if he were never to return, how could I live here in this constant reminder of him? Surely I'd go mad with heartache and the stress of not knowing. Like I won't have enough of a reminder with me. My eyes are beginning to droop, and I know I won't be awake much longer. I want to make this decision tonight, so I have plenty of time to get the money. I roll over on my side, facing away from the window like always. The glowing numbers on the clock taunt me, changing deliberately slowly, dragging out the night. And then I see it. The way the light catches the tiny imperfections in the wood of the nightstand. I reach out to trace the pattern with my fingertips, fondly remembering the rainy afternoon when he insisted on carving our initials into something. To break in his newest Swiss Army knife, he claimed. I knew for a fact that the knife was at least four years old, but I played along, letting him guide my hand as we cut into the wood: #11 - M + S = 4ever Below that is the worst attempt at a heart that ever existed, but we laughed because we knew what we meant. I sigh. I've been letting myself get carried away with my tendency for what-iffing. As I run my fingers over the message again, I tell myself that he is coming home. I will find him. And we'll pick up where we left off, but not like nothing has happened. No, we can't do that. I smile softly, brushing my hand over my abdomen. Tomorrow, I'll give the Bureau my new address. THE END ^*^*^ 4 out of 5 doctors say expressing your enjoyment of a fanfic to its author increases your life expectancy 23-23.8 years. The other doctor was killed by Cancerman before we could ask him. jeri quinne, president, xpab (x-philes against bees) Gain membership by writing to: ggal1116@yahoo.com