Title: An Imperfect Mother (1/1) 
Author: fran58 
Email: fran58@WonderHorse.net
Category: VA 
Rating: PG
Distribution: Wherever - just let me know.
Spoilers: Requiem
Disclaimer: Characters owned by Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen
Productions and 20th Century Fox. 
Summary: "For all her fortitude in times of danger, this one thing
could bring her to her knees."

Author's Note: Many thanks to addicted2fanfic and Fabulous
Monster for their help.


An Imperfect Mother 

 
He was not like other children. She felt to deny it was a cruel lie. 

Sometimes, a well meaning friend would tell her this knowledge 
was too heavy a burden for a child. Yet even as she acknowledged 
that the burden was heavy, she believed that the truth was the best 
weapon against the future. Even after all she had been through, 
Scully believed in the truth. 

He was a bright, sensitive child. Scully never realized how often
people noticed children before she had one of her own, and hers
was particularly appealing.  Strangers would comment on her son,
talk to him, ask him what he wanted to be when he grew up. Scully
would smile when he yelled "A baseball player!"; but inside, she
would break just a little bit. He would never be a baseball player, or
a pilot, or even an FBI agent. As always, her joy was tinged with
sadness. 

There were times when simply thinking about the boy's future made
her ache. For all her fortitude in times of danger, this one thing
could bring her to her knees. What would she give to change that
future? Her job, her life, her soul - for all the good it would do. But
she would give it gladly. Before the boy, she thought she knew
about love. She thought she knew about unselfish love. She was
wrong. She knew only now. Simply sitting in a park, watching him
and other children play, could now bring a dampening sorrow and
an envy she never expected to feel. She knew it was wrong to
begrudge other parents their children's seeming good health and
happiness. She knew it was not only wrong, but a twisted
assumption. She, of all people, knew that everything was not
always as it appeared. Yet, she couldn't stop herself from imagining
how different things could be if only.... 

Just one small piece of your son, sir, and one small piece of your's
ma'am. If I collect enough, maybe I could make my son whole.
Please, just a small piece, you wouldn't miss it... Then maybe I
could spare him some of the pain that will most certainly be coming
his way. Shield him from some of the despair, frustration and
humiliation. 

The doctor's were of no help.  The test results were always the
same.  Bleak.  No medical miracles would stop the progression of
his condition.  No divine interventions could be called upon to
prevent his downward slide. 

As the darkness slowly closed in, and the knowledge of the
inevitable slowly awakened in her son's eyes,  Scully could do
nothing but watch and pray her child would have strength. It was
times like these she felt brittle, shattered, hopeless. She prayed he
would find happiness and that the bleakness that often invaded her
heart didn't find his. She prayed that when the other children finally
noticed his difference and turned away, and when strangers' voices
were no longer filled with kindness but pity, he would find within
himself the courage she lacked.