"First Light" by Marie Endres

joemimi@prodigy.net



Classification: Mulder Angst



Rating: PG



Spoilers: Bigtime for "En Ami"



Summary: What would have happened if Mulder 

had been the one to give Scully that little 

note at dinner?



Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine. 

They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 

productions, and Fox broadcasting.



Thank you's forever to Georgia-You continue 

to inspire and encourage me! This story is 

as much yours as it is mine! You're the 

best. And to Joe, for the idea-You always 

have the best ideas!





"First Light"





The only family emergency is the one within 

our family of two.



We've become that to each other- a solace, a 

haven- because every other semblance of home 

has been taken from us, tainted for us, in 

some way. Now, though, a thief has even 

broken in there, taking the last possession 

to which we had tenaciously held- trust.



It killed me to look through her e-mails; 

I'm glad that the boys were the ones to read 

them word for word. What they found 

convinced me, as if I needed any help, that 

she was far from "fine."



Now that melodrama has begun to set in, I 

try to think of this logically. She's a 

doctor- chances are she discovered something 

about that boy and she's following it to 

it's logical conclusion. But that's not all 

there is-there is this other entity, this 

Cobra to contend with. Add to that the fact 

that she is with him. Why? How? What did he 

say to her, do to her to get her to turn 

away, to lie to me? 



Maybe it was just that he said something to 

her at all, that he appealed to her sense of 

how to go about things. Maybe, for once, he 

let her shine as the first light of day 

does, as I have never allowed her to.



But whatever it is that this Cobra has to 

offer her, it is not truly meant for her. 

She is merely the tool, the conduit, for 

something, someone far more evil than she 

has allowed herself to imagine. She has 

always sought the best in people, believed 

in justice. There is no justice here, only 

pain ahead for my partner.



She is far more than that to me, but 

whatever it is that has always kept me from 

letting her know, continues to dog me still.





Damn, it's cold out here- damp, too. Why do 

I feel like I'm waiting in a tomb? I guess 

that's where I would be if I felt anymore 

alone, apart from life as I do now. I glance 

at my watch- 5:20, it's at least 10mins more 

until the first light of day.



I knew from the correspondence of the past 

five months that last night was the night.

I also knew that it was a mere formality. A 

look see. The swap was already set into 

motion, already scheduled for later this 

morning. And so I took a chance that I could 

get to her first out here in the cove. 

Cobra's e-mails were never sent before 7am, 

so I knew he wasn't a morning person. First 

light, that's what my note said.





How fitting that I would ask her to meet me 

then. It is a time of illumination, a time 

to see what's been hidden. The question is, 

do I really want to see what she has hidden 

from me? Do I want to come face to face with 

the fact that she chose to go alone, without 

me, into this valley of the damned?



The start-up of a small boat engine shatters 

the silence; I see her red hair over the 

cattails which circle the edge of the lake.



If only I could have been man enough to tell 

her the truth, to take that next step, maybe 

I wouldn't be sitting in the middle of some 

dark cove waiting for evil to once more rear 

its ugly head. Maybe if I could have been 

strong enough to get over myself, to 

remember as she so cuttingly told me, "It 

isn't all about you, Mulder," I wouldn't 

have to witness her deal with the devil.



As she draws closer, I am aware of another 

boat back and to my right.



Damn it. That must be Cobra.



My intentions that seemed clear a few 

moments before, left me in flash wondering 

what I should do now. Keep her from this 

exchange that would change her life? Change 

many lives?



Do I protect her as I should have done in 

the past, from those who would seek to 

destroy her very being? Pfaster, Duane 

Barry, Peatty.



As I watch her, I realize I can do nothing.



I am about to once more chide myself for my 

inertia, but I stop.



I am doing something.



I am allowing her to chart her own course 

through these murky waters. I will let her 

go, with my watchful eye always upon her, 

ready to give my life as ransom for hers if 

necessary, ready to allow myself to love 

her.




END




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