Sunnydale Wholesale Beauty Supply, Ch. 32
  
 I don't want the world to see me 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand 


The landing was bumpier than she'd expected. The whirling
sensation, yes, but not landing on her back on the tarry roof, a cold
hand still clamped on her ankle.

Sunny looked up to a big, broad silhouette, billowy cashmere coat,
and fanged-face.

"What the fuck was that for?" Angelus asked. He waited for her to
get her breath back. "Huh?"

"The obvious," Sunny said. She lay and looked straight up into the
few stars that were visible past the light pollution. She felt nothing.
Not anger. Not fear. Just a tiredness that, fuck, she was still here.

His fingers tightened viciously on her ankle, and she jerked. "Let
go."

"Answer me," Angelus said. "What was it for? "

"Not everything's about you," Sunny said. "Let go. "

He let go, but he was suddenly in her face, crouched over her. "What,
you just had a sudden suicidal impulse?" He put his fingertips on her
face. "Or not so sudden," he said. 

She looked away, and he pinched her cheeks, making her look back
at him. 

"I can do a lot of things to keep you alive," he said softly. "I don't
want my soul back. I can toss you back into the shop and tell Jack
exactly what you were trying to do. He'll commit you, won't he?
How'd you like to be really locked up?" She shuddered. "That's right.
Or I can take you somewhere, keep you alive, do a lot of things to
you so you'd wish you were dead." He let go of her face, and she sat
up. "And I'd never spill a drop of blood."

"So why haven't you?" she asked.

He sat back on his heels. " I haven't, because I told you. I like you."
He let his face slide back into human face. "I prefer to break my toys,
myself."

"And I'm already broken," Sunny said.

He flashed his white smile. "Not quite. Not yet. So, you don't die
until I say."

She wiped her cheeks with her palms. "So, you've had someone
watching me?"

"Yeah, amazing thing, telephones. Heard you were up on the roof. I
wanted to ask you something, anyway." He put his hand on the top of
her head. "We were in another dimension, together, weren't we?"

Amazed, she swallowed. "Uh, yeah. You remember all that, now?"

"Yeah, biting you brought it back. I had a couple of weird dreams."
He shrugged, at her expression. "What, you didn't think we
dreamed?"

"I never thought about it," Sunny said. She took his hand and let him
pull her to her feet as he stood up. He held her lightly. 

"So, why don't we go there any more?" he asked, stroking her hair.

"We burned the chess set. Willow and Mr. Giles said it was a student
named Amy, who was a witch. She was trying to access Airmed's
power and the side effect sent us there. I guess. It's not like I'm a
member of the gang."

"Do you want to be?" he asked, his gaze on her mouth. He was
tipping her chin up.

"I---no," she whispered, and raised her face to his.

"We're connected," he said. "So you stay alive. As much fun as it
would be to have Jack, and Giles, and the Buffster all guilt-ridden,
I'd be all good again and it would be harsh." He kissed her, then.
Maybe he thought it would break her? Her face still felt a little
numb, like she was wearing a plastic mask.

"You're not paying attention," he said, irritated.

"No, well, I just tried to step off the fucking roof. I'm a little
distracted." Her knees were knocking. Fuck. I just tried to step off
the roof.

"So, you don't want to do it again?" he asked, and before she knew
what he was doing, he picked her up and was standing on the
parapet, holding her out into space. She clutched frantically at his
neck, gripping his coat collar.

"Oh, okay," Angelus smirked, and jumped back down to the roof and
set her on her feet. She held on to his arms for a dizzying moment,
before shoving herself away.

"I'm fine, you can go," she said bitterly. "I'm back in my skin. Go see
Buffy."

"I really don't need to," he said. "Had too much of an up-close
experience. Thought I should spend more time at home," and he
smirked at a private joke.

"Okay, then, you can go home," she said wearily. "I'll go back in and
wrap myself back in cotton wool."

"Don't pout , " he said. "It's not attractive, sweetie."

She raised her head and straightened her shoulders. "No, I'm just
tired of this. I have a fucking spell so I can't have a normal life. I'm in
love with a serial killer who doesn't even have me on his kill list.
And I'm grounded because I'm a magic magnet. It sucks to be me."

Angelus was getting a cigarette from a crumpled pack, head bent.
"You're in love with me?"

Sunny winced. "You knew that, right? I mean, duh."

"You're in love with what I was, " he said, not smiling. "Don't kid
yourself that I'm the same, or that I'm going to change back. Or that I
love you. I don't."

"I know that," Sunny said impatiently. "Jeeze. I know that. You like
me."

"It's a lot safer to have a vampire like you," he said. "Right now,
you're safer than anyone else in Sunnydale." He put his arms around
her again. "Until I find a way to get rid of the spell, that is," he
added.

"Because of the soul thing," she scoffed. But, oddly, she did feel
better. If the head villain of the Hellmouth said she was safe, then
she must really be.

Angelus was watching her closely, and she knew he was listening to
her heart rate, her breathing. "And because I do like you," he said. 

"Good to know," she said, and put her face against his neck. He
smelled of sandalwood, of tobacco, of copper. Brown paper packages
tied up in strings. He held her for a moment, soaking in the warmth,
she knew. It was what vampires liked to do.

"Got to go," he said presently. "Give me a kiss for the road. I got to
go see a man about a obelisk." The mocking note was back in his
voice.

But weirdly, he gave her a real kiss. Not all smothery sexy, but a kiss
like she dreamed about. 

"I'll be keeping an eye on you," he said, swinging down to the ladder
to the fire escape. "Don't pull any bullshit like this. I won't be so nice
next time, especially if you just want attention. Because, baby girl?
I'm paying attention."

"Most girls would think that was a compliment," she called down,
pushing her hair behind her ears as she hung over the edge,

He looked up the ladder at her, grinning. "You're not most, are you?"

"Guess not," she said.

"Idiot," he said, and was down the ladders and in the alley faster than
thought.

She leaned shaking hands on the parapet and watched his coat flair
out behind him as he stalked out, past the back entrance, not giving a
damn if Jack or anyone else saw him. Meanest motherfucker in
Sunnydale, she thought, and he says I'm safe. She straightened up,
looking at the crescent moon. Guess it could be worse. I could still
be living with Mom and the creep. 

She went back downstairs, to lie in her bed, her hand on her heart,
feeling its slow steady beat.



When everything's made to be broken 
I just want you to know who I am