"Biogenesis" and the whole seventh season never existed, in this universe.

Special thanks to Emerex for Super!Beta
 

"I'm glad you don't have a lot of chest hair," she said, stroking his
shoulder. He grunted, non-commentally, and fished between them for the
remote. "No, really, Mulder."

He changed the channel. "Ah ha! I knew you had Fox Sports." He carefully
balanced the remote on the back of the couch, and leaned back into her arms.
"You can keep rubbing my neck-oops," he shifted and felt on the floor, "My
beer-thanks." Slowly, wriggling, he moved until the back of his head rested
on her shoulder. Patiently, she kept her hands raised, until he was settled.
He held the bottom of the beer bottle on one of her knees and the fist with
the remote on the other. "Now, if neither of us has to pee or eat, I'm all
set," he told her.

"Glad to hear it," she said, scratching his chest through the sweatshirt.
"The thing is, that after years of observation of topless men-"

"Ooh, you hussy-"

"-observations obtained at the swimming pool, I have observed that most men
with attractive chest hair usually have unattractive back hair. Ecch."

He was silent. "Jerry Seinfeld. He didn't have any back hair. On the episode
when he shaved his chest?"

"We didn't see his back on that one.  George Costanza."

"Tom Selleck."

"I didn't think he stripped on 'Friends.'"

"I refer to the classic 'Magnum, P. I.' And I know you watch the reruns."

"I bet all those actors put Nair on their backs. Robin Willliams."

"Brrr. Can we talk about something else?"

"I just though I would mention it, since I saw you admiring yourself in the
mirror."

She felt his head bounce on her collarbone, as he craned up at her. "I was
scratching my chest. Those mosquito bites itch."

"No one told you to stake out a swamp. You told me yourself, you were just
closing old files. Without your partner, I might add. And, you were
checking out your chest." She flattened her hands on his shoulders. "A very
nice one, too. I was just saying, I don't miss a lot of chest hair."

He put down the beer, and covered her hand with his. "Thank you. I think.
Can you stop saying chest hair? For two educated professionals, we talk
about some gross-" He belched, suddenly. "Ah, hell." She was shaking with
laughter. "Stop laughing. I can see your nose hair from here, you know. We
can talk about nose hair."

"You don't need to talk about noses-"she was interrupted by ringing of a
cell phone, and stopped laughing.

"I thought I turned that off, " he mutters. "Could be the guys." He swung
his feet to the floor, and, stood up, reaching for the jacket slung over a
rocking chair. "Mulder."  He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I am doing something.
No, I looked at that file yesterday. Naah. That's okay. Look, I'll see you-
 He paused, and gave the woman on the couch a grimace she couldn't
understand. She wrinkled her forehead back at him. "Thanks, Scully, but I've
got plans. I appreciate it. I'll see you Monday." He clicked off the phone,
and carefully turned it off before tossing it on top of the jacket. "Scully
wanted to know if I saw a report of supernatural statues at a church in
Maryland. What did I do with my beer?" He picked up the bottle and lay back
down. "You got to love it. When I work weekends, I don't have a life. When
she wants to work-what's so funny?"

"Maybe she just wanted to spend a little time with you. A little X-file, a
little home-cooking, a little wine.look where it got me."

"Yeah, it's your cooking.  That's it. And the fact that you live one block
away." He rolled over and tugged on her t-shirt, mumbling all the while.
"Six years she acts like I'm Dale Cooper on 'Twin Peaks' and then suddenly
she wants my opinion on Catholic phenomena."

She let him pull her shirt off. "Well, remember the line from 'Moonstruck.'
You don't shit where you eat."

"They should have remembered that on 'Moonlighting.' Why are you rolling
your eyes?"

"Do we watch entirely too much television?"

"We can't help it, we're brainwashed. Hardwired." He shifted. "Speaking of
hard."

"Oh, Agent Mulder. Is that your gun?"